Do people actually read my thoughts?

A few days ago one of my friends, Pijul, got me into a discussion about how people were balanced out in life and that their happiness is adjusted with the bad things in their lives. I can’t say I agree with that because I believe we don’t have the right to determine other peoples’ perceptions of happiness – only an individual can judge their own happiness. I managed to convince him about that piece of my perspective and in return he asked me why is it that I don’t enlighten others with the various bits of wisdom that I’ve accumulated over in my 19 years of living instead of anime. My reasons for that are (1) Anime is my hobby and I really enjoy it (2) I’ve gone through far more anime than I have with schools of thoughts (3) People don’t go to the internet to seek instant enlightenment – they go to paid professionals for that.

But seriously, I do write them up once in a while and they tend to be very preachy when I do them so I don’t do them too often. There have been several occasions where I wrote entries to post up here but after taking a second look at them I realize that I could bring in unwanted things if I posted them up. I’m not even sure what I’ve actually mentioned here on my blog but I do remember typing them up so it gets confusing at times when I bring up a matter that I may or may not have discussed here. Here’s a list of things I worry that my takes on some matters may stir up:

• Trolls(Obviously)
• Flamers(Same as above)
• Religious debates(I prefer to handle these anonymously)
• Religious rage(Can’t tell you how many Christian extremists I’ve pissed off online at those debates. For that matter why do so many of them sound like bigots?)
• Atheists(Almost as bad as religious bigots only they’re a lot more tolerant of things. I think they have a hive mind)
• Cults(There actually is cult that got started by someone who didn’t intend on it and kept on denouncing it while he was alive. Life of Brian DID happen)
• Fans(I prefer to be heard. Not seen)
• Cospiracy theorists(They’ll try to rope me in on their freedom fighter gang)
• Secret organizations(Namely the Illuminati and the Freemasons. NERV probably counts too)
• Government agents (The Spetnaz worry me. Airborne upside down hatchet throwers are scary)
• Moralfags (Yes, I do go to 4chan. Sankaku as well)
• Republicans (I really don’t trust their so-called integrity. Merchants of death? Please…)
• Movie writers (Too many hacks in Hollywood to trust. They’ll just try to turn it into booze, weed and women)
• Political uprising(Last thing I want to do is support a rebellion in another country. I’m not pizza hut.)
• The devil(My soul is not for sale. I will forever retain all rights to my individuality.)

I’m half joking about that list but as to which parts I’m joking about are up to you. In any case, I am person who has thought a lot about the universe, life and all that other metaphysical stuff. It’s gotten to the point where I start feeling ancient around my friends when they talk about stuff that I should be but am not interested in. Even Afiq said I seemed much older and mature as a person and answered yes when I asked him he thought that I was wise. Apparently my self-standards of normalcy are ridiculously high compared to my demographic group. It’s to the point where I am actually surprised that my friends hadn’t considered ideas I count as basic philosophy even once.

I’m betting 99.9% of adults don’t ponder the same magnitude of metaphysics that I do by the time they reach their mid-life crisis. 98% would never even think about it in their entire lives which to be honest I am actually happy about. Much of what I thought brought despair with it; much more despair than what an Emo but not an Elmo would go through. Emos would just stop at the initial despair and fail to read further into it opting to bitch and complain about their sad painful existences instead whereas Elmo is quite possibly the most nefarious of all the muppets. I cannot trust those innocent looking eyes for they are like peeks behind the curtain of the dark abyss. Where was Zetsubou Sensei when I was going through the most metaphysically rich phase of my thought process of my life so far? It wasn’t an anime yet so it was probably just in the 100s chapter count at the time. Tis a pity I didn’t have the opportunity to yell that catchphrase whenever I stumbled across a new insight. “ZETSUBOUSHITA!!” is rather enjoyable to say really.

ZETSUBOUSHITA!!

To give a small look into what I see through my eyes, I will present a paraphrased analogy taken from Kara no Kyoukai: Remaining Sense of Pain’s Novel and a brief discussion I had with Hakim about Obama. First comes the analogy. Let’s say common sense was channel 3 on the TV and that normal people could only watch that channel. An insane person on the other hand would only be able to watch a different channel like channel 5, a channel tailored to their perspective. Without access to channel 3, the person would remain stuck only on channel 5 and thereby unable to understand a normal person at all. The same applies vice versa so the majority, the ones who watch channel 3, would mark the outcast as insane. If that person could switch between channels 3 and 5 as they liked then they would be able to fit in and still have extraordinary insight of the TV which in this analogy refers to reality. To describe my perspective would be to say normal people are watching channel 3 on old CRT television sets while I’m watching channels 3 and 5 at the same time on a HD Plasma TV using Program in Program feature. Sure, my focus will be split and I won’t see every detail in channel 3 but I’ll still see the rest in clear crisp refreshing quality and have a wider perspective on things.

Now onto Obama. Let me clarify that while I am more partial to Democrats than Republicans, I never cared for Obama in the first place. My vote would have gone to Hillary Clinton in the democratic nomination and also in the presidential election against McCain if she was up and my vote counted. It’s certainly not because of his race because a black president was definitely a refreshing change for the stagnating Eagleland. I didn’t like him because of his slogan and the hype that he was generating from it. Hope is a very flimsy illusion and I didn’t appreciate how unrealistic it made the Americans during the elections. Hope is good for human productivity but it also casts a shadow of despair that grows larger with that hope. Though I still have to say that it was very good strategizing on his part and that the prospects of him as president at the time were better than having a republican who gets swayed by capitalism easily.

However, the subject concerning Obama that I was discussing with Hakim was not the man himself but rather the Nobel Peace Prize he got. Like the rest of the majority of those who know about it, Hakim believes that Obama didn’t deserve the prize and from his tone at the time, even seemed mad about it. I don’t know why is it people feel angry at others for being more fortunate than they are but it really is an ugly thing to see. I wonder who exactly did he have in mind for the prize, I do remember him mentioning Lady Gaga that day but I’m not sure if that was during our Obama’s peace prize talk. As you can see, that is where most people stop to think about the prize but I immediately looked at the consequences and the reasons behind the events. A lot of anger has been directed at Obama because of his unprecedented ownership of the honor because many think that he hasn’t done anything to merit the award including himself.

The way I see it, someone deliberately did this to add pressure onto Obama’s administration reduce his integrity as a leader. If he fails to live up to his promises in time then his chances at being re-elected have been significantly reduced because of this award and people would not be able to take him seriously. This was something beyond his control and yet people blame him for not deserving the award that someone else chose to give him. I even read an article in the paper yesterday of some kid asking Obama why so many people hate him. This goes to show you that public opinion is easily swayed by the media and that most people prefer to listen to the big voice in the sky than to think for themselves. That is a mentality that really should be done away. Why else would so many Americans buy into that Merchants of Death nonsense when they actually stand to gain a lot from the healthcare reforms that Obama proposed?

I wouldn't be bringing this up if I wasn't sure that my thought process is different from most people. Hakim certainly didn't see past the fact that Obama didn't deserve the award and looked genuinely intrigued by how I saw the event. Through my journey into despair, I widened my perspective, gained the ability to look at things objectively and apparently enough wisdom to make people ask me for advice even though I actually have no experience with love and that sort of thing. I've also become ridiculously tolerant of things and actually do mean it when I say I'm so at peace with myself that I would have no regrets if I died now. That doesn't mean I want to die though, I prefer to live and intend to keep on living as long as I can.

There are many paths a person can take in their lives to find themselves. Mine was through the exploration of metaphysics and despair. You can come out of it either as an Emo or a Wise Old Man character but in both cases you won't be able to see the world the way you did before. I can honesty say that I've become a completely different person from who I was when I began my adolescence and that my I've gained a new appreciation for things I did not and lost some that many do. Anyway, this should fill my quota for my thoughts post this month.