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Saturday, 30 August 2008


Lately I’ve taken to casually threatening people in humorous but plausible ways. Not that I actually plan to carry them out. It’s just more for entertainment purposes. I wouldn’t mind seeing them carried out though. I do come up with some rather creative threats.

I guess that it’s actually quite effective when I say it with my poker face but I think I’d be able to get a much better effect by smiling. Especially considering the fact that me smiling usually means that someone else is suffering some sort of indignation at the expense of my entertainment.

Aside from making threats, I do have other deterrents to make sure that people won’t bother me. One of them is actually quite easy to do and requires very little energy and focus to do. Colin once told me that it was called “Acupressure”. I’m not even sure if that’s the actual name for it but Microsoft Word doesn’t seem to argue with the spelling so I guess it’s real. That’s why my posts are quite long by the way. I’ve usually got twenty other pages open in Firefox so I have to make these things in advance.

Back to “Acupressure”. Basically it’s like driving a sword through cracks in the shield. It involves me pressing a finger onto several spots on the body with enough pressure to send a sharp intense pain through that part of the body. You’d be surprised at how many cracks there on the human body.

I’ve tested it on myself sometimes to figure out some of the more troublesome spots. Unfortunately, my ability to dull out pain hinders my attempt at figuring out how effective some of these spots are. There’s also the fact that I’m one of those people who feel like they’re being tickled instead of pain when hit in certain parts. Approximately 50% of my cousins are the same way on my mother’s side of the family. Thankfully the ones that I enjoy bothering aren’t in that 50%.

When I do test these areas on people later, they always look like they were slapped hard in the face. In fact I have this new spot I want to test out on people but it doesn’t really cause much pain but this feeling of disorientation for a few seconds. Unfortunately, I would only be able to use this in practice when in close proximity of my target or in a surprise attack. I’m not even sure of the extent of its effectiveness on other people.

“Know yourself before knowing your enemy”. That is basic concept in the art of war. It means you must be aware of your own capabilities and limits before engaging an enemy. This applies to “Acupressure” very well. I actually figured out how to do it just by understanding which parts of my body would be the most effective places to attack. It doesn’t have the effect of paralyzing people like in those Chinese fighting movies but it is quite useful. I can even use it to relieve pain. It’s quite effective for whenever I have constipation. The stomach pains I mean, not the inability to eject waste. I’ve even used it to relieve neck pains for some people but they usually thought I’d only make things worse or was joking until they realized that it did work. I still remember Hafiz Alidi’s reaction when I managed to relieve him of his neck pain a few weeks ago. It was quite funny. Hopefully I’ll remember to send him emails with pictures of food during puasa like I planned.

There is another saying I like is “Only go into battle when victory is certain”. A very reasonable notion but I do have the tendency to disregard that piece of wisdom when I determine that any result would be fine with me. This “Acupressure” technique that I am capable of wouldn’t be very useful in real life combat on its own but it can be quite useful in creating openings. For example, a sharp thrust in a small unprotected area right under the sternum would force my target to exhale sharply allowing me to follow it up with a decisive knockout blow to several areas that would be open for attack. Thank god my yo-yo skills endowed my fingers with the strength to pull it off. It’s probably the same reason why some people think that I use too much strength while I’m typing.

Hopefully I’ll be able to figure out how to induce effects like sleeping or nausea eventually. It’d be very convenient if I actually could put people to sleep with a single touch. God knows that I wish for it every time my youngest brother thinks that what he has to say is so interesting that he won’t stop talking to me even when I tell him that I have no desire to listen to him talk about how Aliens and Rods exist (I don’t care whether or not aliens exist, they’re just one of those things that I’d say “They exist? Oh well” if they were ever proven to be real. As for Rods, I seriously really doubt there exists an organism that can bend space and time but depends on small little wings to move about). That was just a recent topic he’s been talking about and now he’s moved on to something about some game he plays at school. His talkativeness really gets to me and I have no qualms about shooting down stuff like santa claus with the harsh truth to keep him quiet.

That’s it for now. As for that new spot I want to test out, I think Edmond should make for a pretty good test dummy.

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