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Monday, 14 February 2011

A Fascinatingly Underwhelming Dream in a Quiet Mind

Just woke up from a most interesting dream. It was interesting in the way that my dreams are normally of a fantastic and grand nature, encompassing amazing worlds, strange surreal concepts and strings of events that make very little sense if I were to try explain them. My latest one came to me in one unintended cat nap after having taken a shower preceded by an exhausting session of training. Though I am a little annoyed at having lost three hours of wakefulness, this dream I had gave me a very rare opportunity to think in a way I can't even recall doing at all - let me think slowly and quietly.

Basically this dream just involved me thinking. I had just finished reading the first part of the second installment in Nisio Isin's Zaregoto light novel series and my eyes felt a little heavy. Between that and the comfort of my bed, I should have gotten out of there asap if I didn't want to lose any time awake but you only need one guess to predict the outcome. Sadly, the sweet temptations of a short, peaceful slumber is all too enticing to me and takes much, much more willpower to overcome than I care to admit. If this world worked like an RPG, my status screen would show a 0% resistance towards the "sleep" status condition and I'd be completely useless in an area where the enemies specialized in attacks that induced that particular condition.

There I lay, halfway between wakefulness and unconsciousness knowing precisely what consequences waited for me if I continued to extend my rest. On what was probably my eighth internal debate, I had already fallen into dreamland even though I was still lucid enough to realize it. Realize it I did not as the dream i had was a continuation of my reality at the time: I was dreaming that I was awake and trying to decide when I should get up. Before long I just decided to continue on with my rest but I found that for some reason I didn't seem to be getting any sleepier and that for some reason my mind was at peace. No buzzings and whispers that I have to drown out with my "louder", more deliberate thoughts but an actual period of calm and silence that just seemed so odd and new to me. Fascination took hold of me and I gave in to the impulse to see how long this quiet period would last and lied there on my dream bed, unmoving and unthinking for I don't know how long. Eventually, a thought came out of me. A speculation on the book I just read, a clearly composed prediction that I never considered consciously and it came to me alone in perfect clarity. Another one quickly followed, still quiet, clear, unconscious in nature and all on its own. I was amazed. My thoughts had never been so... unmessy. For once I couldn't describe it as lots of trains leaving a single station and arriving at lots of different stations along lots of different routes at different times.

Even in my clearest moments, I still had background thinking going underway though they all pertained my assessment of whatever situation I was dealing with. This was different and felt completely new to me. It really made me wonder if other people thought like that and if my level headed thinking and inability to give in to panic or fear was because my way of thinking made it much, much harder for me to feel overwhelmed. It still sounds as arrogant as I thought it did prior to my dream but now I had my own instance where thinking worked in such a manner and it gave me something to make a comparison with. I can't claim myself to be a genius but I have to agree with the consensus that I am at the very least, very clever. Still, it's not a cleverness in the proper and smart way since my methods and motives rarely prioritize being proper over enjoyment but it's certainly a cleverness that gives me an edge over most. It does get cumbersome at times, especially at times when it would be better not to notice what others overlook be it intentional on their part or otherwise. Hopefully, I will get future opportunities to experience so I can understand people more easily. It would be good to refresh my understanding of fear as well. After all, it wouldn't do to advertise myself as a master of fear if I were to get so out of touch with it that I've forgotten what overcoming it feels like.

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