A Fascinatingly Underwhelming Dream in a Quiet Mind

Just woke up from a most interesting dream. It was interesting in the way that my dreams are normally of a fantastic and grand nature, encompassing amazing worlds, strange surreal concepts and strings of events that make very little sense if I were to try explain them. My latest one came to me in one unintended cat nap after having taken a shower preceded by an exhausting session of training. Though I am a little annoyed at having lost three hours of wakefulness, this dream I had gave me a very rare opportunity to think in a way I can't even recall doing at all - let me think slowly and quietly.

Basically this dream just involved me thinking. I had just finished reading the first part of the second installment in Nisio Isin's Zaregoto light novel series and my eyes felt a little heavy. Between that and the comfort of my bed, I should have gotten out of there asap if I didn't want to lose any time awake but you only need one guess to predict the outcome. Sadly, the sweet temptations of a short, peaceful slumber is all too enticing to me and takes much, much more willpower to overcome than I care to admit. If this world worked like an RPG, my status screen would show a 0% resistance towards the "sleep" status condition and I'd be completely useless in an area where the enemies specialized in attacks that induced that particular condition.

There I lay, halfway between wakefulness and unconsciousness knowing precisely what consequences waited for me if I continued to extend my rest. On what was probably my eighth internal debate, I had already fallen into dreamland even though I was still lucid enough to realize it. Realize it I did not as the dream i had was a continuation of my reality at the time: I was dreaming that I was awake and trying to decide when I should get up. Before long I just decided to continue on with my rest but I found that for some reason I didn't seem to be getting any sleepier and that for some reason my mind was at peace. No buzzings and whispers that I have to drown out with my "louder", more deliberate thoughts but an actual period of calm and silence that just seemed so odd and new to me. Fascination took hold of me and I gave in to the impulse to see how long this quiet period would last and lied there on my dream bed, unmoving and unthinking for I don't know how long. Eventually, a thought came out of me. A speculation on the book I just read, a clearly composed prediction that I never considered consciously and it came to me alone in perfect clarity. Another one quickly followed, still quiet, clear, unconscious in nature and all on its own. I was amazed. My thoughts had never been so... unmessy. For once I couldn't describe it as lots of trains leaving a single station and arriving at lots of different stations along lots of different routes at different times.

Even in my clearest moments, I still had background thinking going underway though they all pertained my assessment of whatever situation I was dealing with. This was different and felt completely new to me. It really made me wonder if other people thought like that and if my level headed thinking and inability to give in to panic or fear was because my way of thinking made it much, much harder for me to feel overwhelmed. It still sounds as arrogant as I thought it did prior to my dream but now I had my own instance where thinking worked in such a manner and it gave me something to make a comparison with. I can't claim myself to be a genius but I have to agree with the consensus that I am at the very least, very clever. Still, it's not a cleverness in the proper and smart way since my methods and motives rarely prioritize being proper over enjoyment but it's certainly a cleverness that gives me an edge over most. It does get cumbersome at times, especially at times when it would be better not to notice what others overlook be it intentional on their part or otherwise. Hopefully, I will get future opportunities to experience so I can understand people more easily. It would be good to refresh my understanding of fear as well. After all, it wouldn't do to advertise myself as a master of fear if I were to get so out of touch with it that I've forgotten what overcoming it feels like.

Gundams

I have just sent in an order for a 1/100 scale Dynames gundam and one 1/144 scale GN-X a few days ago online. They are much cheaper than when they were sold in Brunei. A 1/144 scale cost me about 30 bucks back then and a 1/100 scale cost me about 70 bucks. That's just a little higher than how much you can get them for in Malaysia. Thankfully the site I ordered it from sells them for about half the price. With luck, I hope they don't turn out to be out of stock like the Avalanche Exia I originally ordered. Aside from that, I am also expecting the new gundam 00 Ps2 game, Gundam Meisters to reach Brunei soon despite it being in japanese. Gundams are the epitome of awesome.


I've been meaning to write in about a bunch of other stuff that I had planned on posting up here but never got around to it due to the many interruptions in my life. For now I'll leave you with some of the dreams that I have written into my dream journal. Yes, I've been keeping a dream journal but that's to see how far i can remember what happens while I'm asleep. Been very absentminded this year for some reason and my inability to focus on one thing has gotten worse. But that also means that I'm getting better at multi-tasking even though I really don't need to get better at that as I can play with my yoyo, read a book and play chess at the same time. I'm one of those people who make others wonder why is it I never crash into things while I read and walk. Funnily enough it actually helps me read faster as when I'm in a hurry I simply scan the pages with my eyes, reading several lines at once in my head and compile them together to understand what's going on. That really helps a lot with my last minute revisions. Having dozens of thoughts running around in my head makes it easy for me to get sidetracked. This is shown by the fact that I was only going to leave you with my dream entries but am now talking about my multitasking capabilities.

Back to my dreams:

03/03/08

It was a bright day. I was at my grandpa’s house and I was climbing the stairs. I took one step up and blinked. When I opened my eyes, I was at a white sandy beach on an island. The island had a lush green forest up on the higher ground. The sky was azure with some clouds and the sea was deep blue like in Australia. It was an extremely beautiful place. There were people around me and I think I knew them but I didn’t talk to them. Actually, it seemed like these people weren’t people I already knew but people that I might know in the future. I couldn’t see their faces though. I walked up to this brown wooden rowboat and moved it into the water. I got in and the boat and it started moving through the water by itself. Not like it suddenly propelled forward but started floating in the right direction. Eventually I reached this halfway point between islands where white stone cubes emerged out of the sea and floated in the air above me forming some kind of arch. Each cube seemed to be made of marble and Aztec-like patterns covered each cube and all of them were at least 5 meters away from each other and weren’t on the same height with adjacent ones. The cube in the center of the arch was the highest of all. After admiring the arch, a blue whale leaped out of the water hiding the arch from my sight the way a dolphin would. When it splashed back into the water, I found myself on a different beach on an island similar to the earlier one. What was different with this island was that there was a huge white monolith with Aztec-like carvings on it the size of a skyscraper. But the way I saw it was different, my body was definitely on that island but I was seeing it from where I was a moment ago. I turned around and I saw that the rowboat was on the beach as well upside down and I was looking at where I saw the island from. The arch of floating cubes was still there and I turned around to find myself in front of white marble steps that led to the monolith. I looked back and saw that the beach behind me and that I was on an intermediate platform between the steps leading to the monolith and steps that led from the beach. I looked back up at the monolith admiring it. It really was a work of art. It seemed ancient and foreign to me. I wanted to take a closer look at it and I started to climb up the steps. I looked down at the steps as I walked up but when I looked up again, I was at my grandpa’s house again back where I was standing before I was at that island. I‘m not even sure if that was an entire dream. If the dream was only me at the islands then this dream must have happened in an instant while I was awake.

05/05/08

It was nighttime. I was sitting inside of a small airplane. It was the type that could on be ridden by a small number of people and had propeller to move it. I looked outside the window and saw that the plane was above this small island with an apartment complex on it that was surrounded by a lake that was surrounded by a brightly lit city. I then found myself standing next to the plane. It seems that we already landed near the waters and there was a speedboat not far from me. I looked into the plane and saw an anxious pilot and my siblings looking down at the floor of the plane. I then saw my parents looking very distressed walking away from me to one of the car park area. It seemed that they wanted to leave quickly for some reason. I looked up and saw that the apartment complex didn’t have a light tuned on in any of its windows. It seemed that no one lived here. I looked to my left and saw that there was light coming out of this room that looked like the entrance into the building. I went in and saw that there was no one at the reception counter. I looked opposite the counter and saw a corridor that lead to the rooms. It split into two corridors at one point. It was dark in the corridor and the only light came from a small white fluorescent bulb that was positioned above this grandfather clock. I looked at the face of the clock and the dreamed ended there.

06/06/08

It was nighttime judging from the entranceway. I was walking along a large red and gold carpet in a hotel. I passed by the reception area and walked up these stairs that lead to the rooms. There were corridors on either sides and I took the one to the left. There were many doors along the walls of the very wide corridor and I kept walking looking for a specific room. After some time I saw an door that was slightly open. I went in. The room was dark but I could see since the TV was open. It was playing an old black and white murder story. There were many things on the floor around the bed but I walked across the room to the open veranda door. I stepped onto the veranda and saw that there were hundreds of verandas similar to the one I was at around me. The scene then shifted to me being on a dirt road in a field of bright green grass. It was bright beautiful day with some clouds up in the sky. There was a mountain in front of me. Its peak seemed to reach high into the sky. I could tell there were stairways along the mountain. I then saw that the path was leading closer to the mountain and would take me under a naturally formed archway around the mountain if I followed the path. The dream ended without me even taking a step forward.

15/08/08

The class complained about the exam question one part (ii) that it was because the exam outline according to the teachers didn’t match the question. Rif did a wall run up and flip onto the roof behind him at sunset. People were impressed and it felt like I’ve seen him do it before. Auzee played around with my backpacks and hid them around. Wandered through a house with many odd sized passages and a bunch of people were partying in one room. Found 1^st backpack among others hidden under a table in a dark but yellow tinted hallway. Found the 2^nd in a kitchen like area that was slightly dark but all bluish white walls. Some light was coming through the windows and they were soft white lights. Carried them back to a parking lot that looked a lot like the stadium’s. It was a cool misty morning at the time. After that found myself inside a mall like area with a green floor in the middle of an area that’s just supposed to be empty and surrounded by walkways. It was noon at this time. Met Wali in the supermarket in an aisle with shelves filled up with sour creams and onion Pringles bragging about how his onion linked other merchandise plan was drawing in money and girls. Oddly enough I didn’t see any money but some girls dressed in red outfits standing around him. Woke up after that.

29/08/08

It was noon. I was looking down on people from the veranda of a fire station. A bunch of people I knew standing below on the streets were calling me to come down. I grabbed hold of the railing and jumped over. I quickly pulled my body closer to the railing before I let go and pulled myself closer to the wall under the veranda by pushing the floor of the veranda. Used my feet and hands to slide down the wall before jumping kicking off at a sufficient height for a good jump. The people I knew didn’t have any recognizable faces but they told me to follow them. I walked with them until one of them walked into this abandoned hangar just down the street and screamed when he went inside. We went in and saw that the guy was twitching and his skin was pale. Not far from him was chupacabra-like creature that had one shrunken and one swollen eye but was wearing glasses and a white shirt. It leapt up high into the hangar until I couldn’t see it. The others told me to go chase it down while they take care of the one who got attacked. I ran back to the fire station and got up on the roof. I jumped off the veranda and onto the roof next to the fire station. Ran across several roofs to the hangar. There was a huge hole along the ledges right under the roof. I walked along the ledges to the hole. I nearly fell down once but there this red and white metal pole protruding out of part of the ledge that I grabbed. After getting back onto the ledge, the pole snapped and I took the metal pole with me into the hole. On the other side of the hole were walkways along the walls. I walked along it for a while before the chupacabra jumped me. I whacked it with the metal pole in my hand and before it could recover from the hit, I thrust the pole into the chupacabra’s chest like a spear and knocked it over the railings. It was still unconscious by the time I got downstairs. Then for some reason the people I knew sprayed it with what I somehow knew was water mixed with onions using a water gun. I then found myself in a hospital where I found that the chupacabra returned back to being a human and he was complaining about the test that he got before turning into a chupacabra. He was saying something about having to prove his proficiency with Sanskrit and Indian before being allowed to pass a citizenship test. I suddenly found myself in a wasteland full of ruins. A man was telling me to get inside his car quickly. I got in and we took off. It was sunset now. Behind us I could see that for some reason dust and stones were flying about in specific regions. This kept happening until I realized that there was a pattern to it. They were giant footprints and we were being chased by something big and invisible. We drove across the wasteland until the car sped off the end of the edge of an archipelago. We landed safely but for some reason, a huge part of the archipelago’s left side was now covered in dust. My guess is that the monster tripped and fell down. We drove further until we went past this rural living area and stopped at a lake. We passed by an oil transport truck before reaching it. The lake was extremely large and beautiful that it may have just been a still ocean surrounded by mountains. I turned around and both the man and his car were gone. I walked back to the rural area and saw a bunch of girls quarreling over something in front of a house. They went in when they saw me in a very orderly and quiet manner. I walked up to the house but instead of entering through the door, I just walked through. There was no one on the other side of the door. But soon a girl was being carried into the room by what I think were her friends who were invisible. The dream ended there.

01/09/08

Dreamt of two people in a game-like ninja mansion. Very many guards on four sided fortress wall that protected the ninja mansion on the island. Outside was a typical dark place in the woods/ remote village. The hero tried to sneak by swimming underwater to the mansion but there were too many guards for him to sneak past by. Many times he disobeyed the laws of physics to shoot a shuriken at a ninja’s head while underwater in FPS mode getting several head shots. Others didn’t seem to care. Eventually a master came by on the outskirts of the town that looked like a yellow tapir nosed person dressed in blue robes. He told the hero how to get in. Hero got in through hidden air vents and met the heroine inside the air vents. They snuck in and out hiding in a hidden room connected to vents until they got enough info. When they decided to take a chance, they dropped from the vents into a part of the mansion where the ceiling was high and the room was white with big green hill in the middle of the room with lots of dragon quest-like monsters around frolicking. I then found myself standing outside London kebab area in the rain at night raining. End of dream.

The ones with the same month and day in their entries were entries that I think happened in those particular months but not on those particular days. That's all for now but I should warn about something as well.

Be prepared. I'm not sure what's going to happen soon but it'll be a major event of some sort. I've been getting this strong feeling that the events happening right now are simply the prelude to something big. Be ready for whatever's coming.

Sick Dreams

I wonder what you thought when you read that title. Whatever it was, that thought shows what kind of person you are.

To continue with my post yesterday, I'm going to write about this dream that I always have whenever i get a high fever. I get fevers about 4 times a year thanks to my tonsils so that's every three months that I get fevers. Not all of them are that bad though since most of them don't go any higher than 38 degrees celcius so i don't have that dream as much as I used to.

Here's how the dream goes:

It starts out with me seeing a pure white background. It's always silent during this dream and it's not like I'm staring at anything in particular but more like I'm staring at everything. Everything in the landscape is pure white white no lines whatsoever and even though everything I see is all white, it feels like the landscape is moving closer and farther at the same time. At certain times the view feels like i'm almost touching my nose with some sort of wall and at others it feels like I'm falling far away from it .

I'm not sure why but i don't feel the passage of time in this dream. Even though I said it starts out with all white, I just say that because it's the most dominant image I see. Instead it seems like i see everything all at once all in the same place. It'd be a very disorienting thing to see in real life but here it feels like I'm not there and everything is just happening in front of me.

While I'm seeing the white background, I'm also seeing a creeping darkness. It's not misty or liquid-like but solid shaped darkness. Everything was black in the same intensity where it was balck and the same could be said for white. Even though everything looked white where it wasn't black, I still knew somehow there was a white blocky wave on the side opposite the black wave in equal sizes but they weren't in contact with each other. They area between them looked white but it wasn't white. It didn't have a color and even though it looked white it wasn't really white.

What happens is that i see both waves stationary and unmoving while i also see them lashing out at each other and crashing head on. I also see white lines penetrating through an endless dark abyss and black lines crossing across a vast empty whiteness. I never see any other color than white or black and both colors were always intense.

Another part of this dream has me watching a colorless dawn on an empty field of non-whiteness with indivdual bits of white and black that seemed dead to me. I saw this dawn repeat itself over an uncountable number of times in what felt like an instant.

There's this other part where I see either a vast blackness or whiteness and i see this small drop of black or white that looks like it's dropping into a black lake or motionless sea that stretched as far as I could see. I'd see that drop fall down so slowly that it really felt like it's been forever since i started seeing it fall but at the same time i see it repeatedly falling into that blackness over and over so quickly that it didn't even seem like an instant.

Finally I was surrounded by a lot of black individuals that seemed to be in infinite amounts but at the same i was all by myself in an empty white world. Again my sense of time was incredibly chaotic and illogical. I wasn't even colored at all.

Throughout the entire, even though any other person I know would probably be insane after even going through it even once I always felt at peace while I had this dream. It should disturb me but for some I've felt that even though it made no sense logically, it always felt sensible to me.

Dreams

A few days ago, my friend told me about this dream where he saw the Kingdom Hearts, Naruto and Disgaea worlds combine into one. He said it was cool and weird at the same time but I didn't bother asking for the details.

Anyway we then started talking about dreams and was saying how that the dream he saw was the weirdest one he ever had. I then told him about some of my dreams and then he just told me that my dreams are way too weird.

I knew that my thoughts and ideas wouldn't be easy for them to take in, but for my dreams to be so weird that it exceeds the weirdest he had. I can understand if he said that about the recurring dreams I had and the ones I had when I was seven or so but he said that to me after I told him about my dream where an avalanche of tennis balls were coming out of the classrooms of my former ugama school. Even then I didn't go on to tell him that it got weirder than that when I ran away from them only to find a barn opposite the school where I saw a cow hanging from the ceiling inside of the barn. The cow then fell to the ground when the rope snapped and for some reason tennis balls started coming out of nowhere from that huge barn window thing. I Can't remember what happened after that but I'm sure it involved a well somehow. What I find weird about this dream is that I never even played tennis before having this dream.

Years ago, in form three, I remember talking to these two girls about the ghost incident that happened in a particular building in the school a few days before. Two minutes into the conversation, I told them about a recurring dream that I had when I was seven.

It went like this:

I was lying down in my bed asleep at night. But, I wasn't seeing from my own eyes as I was looking at myself. Every was incredibly dark and silent. My bed at my old house was right under a window covered by a peach curtain. I saw my sleeping face facing me arms wrapped around a pillow and sleeping on my side looking to be at peace with everything. I was staring like that until I realized that there was hand dark green long thin and claw-like hand hovering over my face.

My line of sight tilted upwards and I saw, right there sitting on the windowsill a devil like creature. Very dark green fur all over its body and scaly dark green wings tucked behind it's back. It had green pen lengthed bony horns potruding out of its head and incredibly huge red orbs for eyes. It had no mouth and nostrils or ears but it was breathing like a normal human would as its chest was expanding and relaxing slowly. The eyes covered at least 2/5 of it's entire head and they were bulgy like a fly's but were oblong diagonally and glowing a soft red light that got more instense towards the middle.

I calmly looked at it as it stroked the air above my hand in a circlar pattern as it looked down at me. As always, I wondered why I hadn't noticed it when it was right there in front of me. At that point it stopped stroking the air above my head. It slowly rested it's hand on my hair for a brief moment before retracting it back behind it's wing. It slowly lifted it's head and we made eye contact. Its posture made it look like it was going to leave soon but all it did was stare into my eyes until the end of the dream.

After I told them about it, both of them looked a lot more spooked about it than they did when we talked about the ghost thing. I asked them why they looked like that and they both asked me why wasn't I scared about dreaming something like that. I told them I just wasn't and that it never really did anything to me except watch me.

Honestly I do understand at how that would be scary but I just wasn't scared of that dream. It just seemed normal to me at that time and when I think about it, I always had this odd feeling that something was watching me whenever I was inside my house when I was little. After that they just said that I was too weird to be normal.

I really do wonder about myself sometimes. I don't get scared that easily and I don't really have any fears towards the things in this world or on the other side. I wonder what that guy would have said if I told him about this particular dream...